Things Unsaid
by Ali-Chan1
Summary: She loved her son more then life itself, but she'd always dreamed of the stage. It had to be either or because it could never be both. She had to chose.
1. Prologue

PROLOGUE

"How did we get here?" Quinn's voice was totally devoid of emotion when she asked the question to break the suffocating silence that had lain over them for the last five minutes as they'd watched their children play together on the playground.

Rachel watched her son; Lexie had just dropped a handful of sand into his mass of dark curls. She was dreading the conversation that she was about to have with Quinn, it was a conversation that she owed her best friend – that didn't make it any easier. She took one last moment to watch Nicky shake the sand out of his hair, his father's goofy grin on his face as he chased after his best friend. She couldn't help the guilt and envy that spread through her body as she watched him – so blissfully ignorant that the selfish decisions the adults in his life had made had destroyed his perfect little world.

Rachel took a deep breath and turned to face Quinn who still watched her daughters like a hawk; she was always the cautious mother, but Rachel knew today it meant more. "You should know that it was never about you. I know that sounds insane and I know it sounds clichéd, it _is_ clichéd but we never meant to hurt you."

Quinn sighed at this and finally turned to face Rachel, her expression was almost passive like this day was no different the million other play dates they'd had over the years. Rachel knew better. She'd been friends with Quinn long enough o see the way the circles under her eyes were expertly, but not perfectly, covered with make-up. She knew Quinn well enough to know that the way her lips were pressed together was not out of anger but because it was the only defense she had to hide a trembling lip. She knew all of this because even if she had stabbed her in the back by sleeping with her husband, Quinn was still her best friend: the girl who had picked her up off the floor when she didn't think she could go on anymore and she deserved an explanation.

"I know this doesn't make things right and there's not anything I can say to right the wrongs in my part of the mess we've all made out of our lives." Quinn raised an eyebrow at the 'we' but Rachel didn't take it back or correct herself, because when all the cards were laid on the table Quinn had slept with Rachel's husband too. It wasn't a point she wanted to fight about, not now, probably not ever, because what was the point? Two wrongs don't make a right but it made it harder to cast stones.

"I owe you an explanation. It doesn't excuse what I, we, did but maybe you'll see where I was coming from." She took a deep breath; she'd rehearsed this speech a million times in her head over the last year. She knew that one day she was going to have to lay it all out on the line, but despite all of the rehearsing the words weren't coming to her as easily as she'd thought they would.

"One day I woke up and realized that I was drowning in a life I hated and as every day passed the walls just kept closing in and I just couldn't take it anymore." She doesn't add that that specific day was when they were all away and childless for Kurt's graduation in Chicago. She needed to hear the truth but not the details that would hurt even more. "I couldn't take it anymore; I just thought I was going to run away and never come back – abandon my son and husband and never look back. And then Puck happened. I knew right then that I had a choice to make: to be a good wife and a good friend or to be a good mother; and I chose my son." She gestured at Nicky on the playground, who returned the gesture with a wave and a verbal greeting that didn't carry across the park.

"I'm so sorry that the one person in the world who I thought could save me was your husband."

_x-o-x-o_

A.N. Hey everyone, this is a future fic co-written by myself, EllaBella18, and Miranda Quick. We're really excited about it and we'd love to hear what you think! So read and review and look for the next chapter soon! And of course, we don't own anything except for Nicky, Audrey, Lexie and Avery - whom we love...a lot. Again please review we can't wait to hear what you think!!


	2. Chapter 1

**August 2012**

"I'm going to miss my flight!" Rachel huffed, tugging on Finn's hand a little bit. He smiled at her impatience and chalked it up to yet another thing he was going to miss about her. It wasn't like Penn State and NYU were that far away from each other, but it certainly wasn't close enough for Finn.

Puck laughed and slung his arm around Quinn's shoulders. "Relax Berry, you've even got time to hang out with us one last time before you jet set off to New York and leave us behind."

Quinn laughed and cuddled closer to her husband. "I can't believe that you're leaving me here early, with just the boys for company." She mock scowled and Rachel laughed.

Finn pulled Rachel closer to him. He hated, hated the fact that she was leaving for school two weeks early and he honestly may have let that hatred cause one of the biggest fights of their relationship.

The late August day was perfect; the sky was blue, the air was warm and there was just something so promising about it that Finn couldn't help but be happy even though Rachel would be leaving for New York in a few short hours. They'd promised to call and text all of the time but something told Finn that it just wouldn't be the same.

The night before they'd had a going away party with all of the original Gleeks; the night had been bittersweet because they were all going their separate ways. But they'd had a blast spending one last night together. Mr. and Mrs. Schue (or Will and Emma as they now insisted they be called since everyone had graduated) had even called a baby sitter and showed up to join in the party and they'd spent the night going over old Glee numbers and vendettas. Rachel was the first to be leaving but he, Mercedes and Kurt would be heading out of state in a couple weeks and it was the last time they'd all be together for who knew how long.

"We would've had a lot more time together if you guys hadn't been umm…we'll say occupied, when Finn and I came to pick you two up."

"Hey! We're newlyweds! It's allowed!" Quinn laughed, blushing slightly.

Finn rolled his eyes and nudged Rachel slightly. "Yeah but you know Rachel, she likes to be ridiculously on time."

Rachel hit Finn in the chest while Quinn and Puck laughed at the look of mock outrage on her face. "There is nothing wrong with being punctual. I seem to remember that we had plenty of time to--" she broke off, embarrassed, while Quinn and Puck laughed harder and even Finn joined in with them.

"Plenty of time to do what, Berry?" Finn was pretty sure that Puck took very little delight in anything as much as he took in poking fun at Rachel and his mocking tone only made Rachel turn a deeper shade of red.

Quinn smacked his arm. "Leave her alone babe. This is the last time we'll all be together until Thanksgiving and I don't need you to ruin these last few precious moments with my best friend because you feel the need to overstep boundaries."

"Thank you Quinn." Rachel smiled, sticking her tongue out at the laughing Puck. "I'm going to miss this," she added, looking around the airport and her excitement was tangible. Last night all she'd talked about was how she was finally going to get to live the dream she'd had for most of her life. Finn was happy for her, he really was but, well, he was gonna miss his girl.

He still thought it was pretty great of her dads to agree to letting her best friends and boyfriend see her off at the airport. They'd gone down to New York the week before to get her settled in so most of her things were already there, but he'd never expected them to let him stay with Rachel while they were gone or let her friends be the one to see her off.

"Me too." Finn smiled sadly at her and pulled her a bit closer, pressing a kiss against her temple.

"C'mon, let's go grab something to drink before Berry's plane takes off."

Half an hour later they're all standing at the security point saying their goodbyes. He knew that Rachel and Quinn have both sworn that they wouldn't cry today, that they'd done enough of that last night, but he was pretty sure that's a promise they were going to break because as soon as they reached security they both had tears in their eyes.

"Make sure you guys send me tons of pictures of Audrey. I don't want to miss out on anything in my goddaughter's life," Rachel stated, pulling Puck into a hug.

He wrapped her in his arms in a giant bear hug. "I'm gonna miss you Berry," he said into her ear before squeezing her one last time and letting her go.

Rachel turned to Quinn and the two girls both smiled at each other through their tears. "You know at first I really hated you." Quinn half laughed as they hug.

"I know." Rachel laughed, remembering their rocky start.

"I'm glad I learned better. Don't you forget about us, got it?" Quinn asked her. Finn's known her long enough to know that they are about thirty seconds away from a full on Quinn Fabray (...Puckerman, man that was gonna be hard to get used to) meltdown.

"I'm glad you did too. And I'd never forget you guys. There's absolutely no way that I couldn't ever forget you guys."

Quinn let Rachel go and tried to wipe away the tears in her eyes. Puck pulled her to his side and she leaned her head onto his shoulder. Rachel took a moment to study them; they'd just gotten married two weeks ago and they still had the newlywed glow to them. She turned to Finn and he was trying to smile.

He pulled her to him and bent down to kiss her. "I love you and I'll miss you." He held her tightly to him, hoping to remind himself of how much he loved the way she felt in his arms.

"I love you and I'll miss you too Finn. More than you'll ever know."

He kissed her one last time before letting her go and she bent down to pick up her carry-on before heading over to go through security. She turned one last time to look at the people who, besides her dads, had come to mean the most to her in the world. She smiled one last time, wiped a few tears from her cheeks and turned back to the security guard to start her life in New York - to start on her dreams.

He would miss her with every fiber of his being, but right then Finn couldn't have been more proud of her for going out there and doing what she was most passionate about.

_**xoxo**_

_**December 2012**_

_Pregnant? _

Rachel looked at the box again, reading the instructions. Did two lines mean pregnant or not pregnant? "No, no, no…" She shook her head, trying to deny the truth that was staring her in the face.

How could this have happened? Not that she didn't know _how _it had happened – she'd heard the birds and the bees speech since she was ten, but how had it happened to her? Things like this didn't happen to her. She was a planner who planned everything and she defiantly hadn't planned this.

What in the hell was she supposed to do with this news? Pregnant – she was pregnant. Her mind wandered to Quinn, the only other person who would know how she was feeling. Glancing at the phone, she considered calling her but couldn't work up the courage.

Maybe the test was wrong. False positives, they happened all the time, right? Isn't this the exact reason that she'd bought more than one test? She would just take another one and this one would say that she wasn't pregnant. Right, that's what would happen because there was no way that she could possibly be pregnant.

With trembling hands she picked up the second test, sending up prayers that this test come back negative. Because what would she do if she was pregnant? She shook her head again. She couldn't even begin to think about it.

Less than five minutes later she sat on her bed, tears streaming down her face. She was pregnant. Rachel Berry had gotten herself knocked up. Wrapping her arms around herself she allowed herself to let loose, sobs wracking her body.

Thank God she had waited until after her last final before she'd taken the test, otherwise she would never have been able to concentrate. Now the only thing that she had to do was pack up her stuff to go home. Home. She'd been looking forward to going home but now she would have to tell everyone that she was pregnant.

She could imagine the reactions of her friends and family and she was not looking forward to it. What in the hell was she going to do?

_**xoxo**_

The December air was cold and damp as Quinn pulled her jacket closer to her tiny frame. She leaned over and made sure Audrey was still bundled up in her stroller and she smiled when she saw that her daughter was fast asleep. She quickened her steps across the parking lot pavement and into the warm heat of the airport.

She was picking up Rachel from the airport because her dads were working and Finn wasn't due home for Christmas break until tomorrow.

She was running late so it's not long before she sees Rachel's dark hair walking through security. Ever since she'd Audrey it always felt like she was running late. Sometimes she finds it funny that it doesn't bother her like it would have three years ago. Quinn smiled as Rachel walked over.

"My life is ruined," Rachel blurted out as Quinn pulled her into a hug.

Quinn rolled her eyes and turned to push Audrey's stroller over to baggage claim. There was a hubble of activity surrounding them as Quinn looked over at her best friend. "Rachel I'm telling you that you aced your history of music final, so can you please stop beating yourself up and enjoy your break? And oh I don't know enjoy the time you have here at home with your best friends, your boyfriend and your Goddaughter."

Rachel took a deep breath and Quinn stopped to look at her. "I'm pregnant." She wasn't sure how she had said it without crying but she did and now it was out there and she really wished that Quinn would say something.

"You're sure?" Quinn asked, she could feel the shock tingling through her body. She certainly hadn't expected that.

Rachel nodded her head. "I took a test right after my last final and before I was supposed to be back here. My life is over; I'm pregnant."

"Oh my God." Quinn wasn't exactly sure what to say so she pulled the tiny brunette into her arms instead. She felt it when Rachel started to cry and Quinn rubbed her back to try to soothe her.

"It's all going to be okay. Shh, it'll all be okay."

Quinn led Rachel out of the airport and to her car. She settled Audrey in her car seat, wiping the blond hair out of her face and stowing away the stroller in the trunk before she climbed into the driver's seat beside a still crying Rachel.

"Does Finn know?" Quinn asked, facing the brunette. She honestly had no idea how Finn was going to react to this news – she had experience in telling him he was going to be a father but something told her that this was going to be completely different, they weren't 16 anymore.

Rachel shook her head and wiped the tears from her eyes. "At first I thought I was just stressed, my first year of college finals you know? So I ignored it. Hoped to God I was right, but then I started feeling sick too and I just couldn't ignore it anymore. So I bought the test right before I had to come home. And now I'm freaking out because this was not part of the plan."

"Trust me I know about this not being part of the plan."

"I just…everything was so close, and now I feel like it's all going to slip away."

There was a part of Quinn that felt a tiny bit jealous that Rachel had even gotten the chance to experience college at all. It wasn't that she didn't love her daughter, and she loved Puck too. But there's times when she'd already worked ten hours at the shitty diner on the outskirts of town and they needed her for another hour, and all she wanted to do was go home and crawl into bed, but she knew she couldn't because they really needed the money, because she couldn't be sure if they would even have enough money to cover Audrey's two year shots. It at times like those that she wished she were like the rest of her friends who got to be normal 18 year olds, the ones who got to go off to college and their biggest worries were annoying roommates or passing their finals.

It didn't happen often but sitting here, listening to Rachel talk about it all slipping away made her envious that her best friend had gotten to experience it in the first place. She shook it away and turned her full attention back onto Rachel.

"I know. But you need to talk to Finn. Figure something out. There's no law that says that you can't still go to school if you have a kid. Just because I didn't go doesn't mean you can't Rach. Come on, Noah's working late so we'll go get mine and Audrey's overnight things and have a girls' night okay? I promise you it'll all be okay."

"How do you know that?"

"I was 16 when I had Audrey and while we're not living in Buckingham Palace, things are working out okay for Noah and I aren't they?"

_**xoxo**_

When Finn took Rachel by the hand she barely felt it, her whole body felt kind of tingly like she had just fallen asleep, or like that time when Noah had gotten all of them drunk off of some punch at a party senior year. Everything felt foggy and far away, based on the silence around the living room Finn's announcement, their announcement had left everyone feeling a little off kilter.

"I know it's a shock to everyone, and obviously it's not something we planned but we want to keep it, and we want to get married before the baby is born."

Had she said that? She couldn't really remember much from the night before when she had cried in Finn's arms over their mistake. But hadn't she disagreed with him? Hadn't she fought for the future she wanted, the future she'd always dreamed of? She honestly couldn't remember.

"Now, I think that's jumping the gun a little bit." Rachel actually let out a breath of relief. Of course Dad would defend her dream, the dream they had shared since she was two. She tried to smile at him, but it was only then that she realized that he was looking everywhere except at her.

"All I can say is thank God they aren't sixteen," Finn's mother laughed nervously, "but Mitch, I think they are old enough to decide for themselves what they want to do with their lives. Frank and I weren't much older than they are now when we got married. They're old enough to make their own decisions.

"Well, if that's their decision then obviously there is a lot that needs to be discussed." Daddy had on his lawyer voice, the one she'd spent her entire life relying on to fix all of her problems. "Obviously the first order of business is that you're going to have to take some time off of school. It's not my favorite idea, but I think it's the only solution at the moment..."

He went on about going back eventually and part time enrollment but Rachel couldn't really hear him as she fought the urge to vomit. She was positive that it had nothing to do with the terrible morning sickness that had alerted her to the pregnancy in the first place.

"Rachel." Daddy had moved off of the couch next to Dad and had knelt in front of her. "This is your life, you know you have options. We're going to support you in whatever you decide. If you decide that you want to get married then we'll stand behind you."

"Daddy, I..." Rachel felt her eyes fill with tears as they locked onto her father's dark brown eyes. "I..." She opened her mouth to say, what? That she didn't even think she wanted to have this baby let alone drop out of school and get married? Before she could speak her stomach gave a sharp turn and she bolted for the bathroom.

She'd been completely surprised when Finn had been right behind her, one hand holding her hair back while the other rubbed soothing circles on her back. When there was literally nothing left in her stomach she managed to straighten up, holding onto Finn slightly for support. She was absolutely mortified that he'd been there to witness it but he was the one who had decided he wanted a baby and marriage hadn't he? Really, she should count herself lucky that she had one of the good guys that didn't want to bolt the second that she'd said the word pregnant.

"Baby, I'm so sorry," Finn tucked her hair behind her ear and kissed her on the forehead. The gesture, despite how terrible she felt, made her heart melt and reminded her of why she had fallen in love with Finn in the first place. He was one of the good guys and she was lucky to have him.

"Finn, I don't think I can do this. I can't – we'd have to give up everything. Broadway and, and your scholarship and football. _Everything_ we dreamed of." The tears were flowing steadily again and the way her breath kept catching made her wonder if she was on the verge of a panic attack or hyperventilating.

"Not forever, we'll go back – Broadway will be there in a year or two. I don't care about football. I love you. I was going to propose eventually, I've been putting money aside to start our lives after college. We're having a baby, Rach." He slid his hands under the hem of her sweater, resting his hands on her still perfectly flat stomach. "Our baby."

Rachel rested her own hands over his; the thought of everything that was going on made her feel like she couldn't catch her breath. She wasn't ready to become a mom or to get married but Finn was right about what he was saying too. She loved him and she had spent a lot of time daydreaming about being married to Finn. She imagined them in a tiny but adorable studio apartment in New York City with days spent auditioning and weekends spent in Central Park. Granted a baby had never really entered into those daydreams but this was what they had before them.

"You're right. This wasn't in the five year plan, but we'll make it through. We'll adapt. Broadway has been around for two hundred years, it can wait around for me for two years while we figure out this whole parenting thing." She forced a smile through her tears. She didn't have a whole of options that she could see. This was the one that made sense, the responsible decision and she was Rachel Berry, she could make it work.

"We'll make it work." Finn was grinning. "Besides Puck and Quinn make it work, how hard could it really be?"

_**xoxo**_

Puck knocked on the door, glancing at his watch impatiently. After a minute the door swung open to reveal Quinn. He gave her a quick kiss, smiling when he pulled away. "Hey babe, what's going on? The wedding was supposed to start fifteen minutes ago. It's making Finn even more nervous and having a nervous Finn? Not great." He laughed.

"It's Rachel, she's freaking out and I can't calm her down." Quinn swung the door open farther so that he could see Rachel.

"Well shit. Let me try talking to her?" Puck stepped into the room, shooting Quinn a smile. "Maybe you should go let Finn know that everything is okay?"

Quinn looked past him to Rachel, her eyes sad before nodding. She hurried out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

"Hey Berry, I hear that you're having some issues?"

Rachel spun around to face him, her eyes wide. "Noah? When did you get here?" She shook her head. "Oh who cares, I can't do this. I can't marry Finn."

"Whoa, calm down." Puck took her hands into his, leading her to a set of chairs. "Calm down and tell me what's going on."

"What if this is a mistake? I don't know how to be a mom or a wife. Not to mention that I'm giving up my dreams to do this. I don't think I can do it. I'm just so scared." Tears glinted in her eyes as she looked up at him.

"Scared? Oh I get that, trust me. Don't you think that I was scared when I married Quinn? And I've been there with the baby thing too, that's almost scarier than getting married isn't it?" Puck chuckled. "But you're Rachel Berry – for a little bit longer anyways – and you can do anything. Nothing scares you. You're the girl with the plan and you're going to stick to that plan."

Rachel nodded slowly. "You're right. We have a plan, a new plan, and it's a good plan, right? Getting married, having this baby and then going back to school when I can?" She looked up to him, her eyes questioning.

"Absolutely, it's a great plan. Not only that, but it's the only one that makes any sense and you know that. Deep down, you know that. You don't have to be scared. Finn loves you with all of his heart and he already loves that baby that you're carrying. And now you'll have me and Quinn close by so if you get scared or don't know what to do, you just have to give us a call and we can come running."

Rachel smiled, nodding. "Yeah, you're right. Finn loves me and I love him. If you and Quinn can make it work then so can we, right?"

Puck laughed. "Exactly. Okay, c'mon Berry. We need to get you married before Finn comes and checks on you himself." He started to stand, but stopped when she put a hand on his arm.

"Thank you, Noah." She stood, wrapping her arms around him. "You're a great friend."

"I know, I'm just the best aren't I?" With a laugh they pulled apart and he led her from the room, so that she could begin the rest of her life with Finn.


	3. Chapter 2

August 2017

The sun is shining and the August morning is warm as Rachel rushes around her back yard trying to set up for Nicky's fourth birthday party. People would be arriving in a little over two hours and she still had to get ready. Finn was inside with Nicky keeping him occupied and Kurt was supposed to be helping her but she was pretty sure she was about to strangle her husband's step brother instead.

"Kurt can you help me with these balloons?" She asked struggling to hold a bunch in place and tape them down at the same time.

"Looks like you're doing fine to me," he replied not even looking up from his nails.

She shoots him what Finn and Noah call her look of death and Kurt rolls his eyes before walking over to her.

"Easy there drama queen. I'm coming."

She sighs but she's pretty sure Kurt doesn't hear her so they continue around the yard hanging and securing balloons.

"Remind me again why Quinn isn't here helping with this?"

"Because Quinn has three daughters and Noah is at work until two today. So suck it up. You were the one that decided you and Luc would show up early." Rachel explains referring to the guy Kurt had met in France when he'd taken his year off of school to tour Europe.

"We're family, you're supposed to welcome us with open arms at anytime."

"I know we're family. And families help. So help me and hand me a piece of tape. Or can your nails not handle that?"

He mumbled something along the lines of not being sure how Finn handled her on a daily basis and she resisted an urge to kick him.

"Can you help me string up this pinata?" Rachel asked picking up the Cars themed pinnate and running a hand through her hair.

Kurt wrinkled his nose. "Isn't that a little cliche."

Rachel snapped. "He's four years old Kurt its allowed to be cliche. And if your lady fabulous ass doesn't help me hang this thing than I'm going to string you up in the tree and let the kids come at you blindfolded with a bat."

Kurt eyed her as Quinn walked out of the back door.

"Easy Rach. Kurt why don't you go in with Luc and Finn and I'll take it from here?"

"Thank God." Both Kurt and Rachel muttered at the same time.

The party was in full swing when Puck walked into the back yard. He'd gotten tied up at the fire hall and then he'd had to stop home and shower before walking down the street for Nicky's birthday. He nodded his head in greeting to Mike and Matt and did a quick fist bump with Finn before he started walking over to Quinn who was standing with Rachel with Avery on her hip talking.

The two were both dressed in sundresses--Quinn in a soft yellow and Rachel in pink. They were laughing about something or other and Avery laid her head down on her mother's shoulder.

"Well well well, look who finally decided to grace us with his presence. But then again I guess its better late than never." Quinn joked.

Puck smiled and set the cake onto the table before turning to his wife.

"I know I look hot and badass covered in soot in my fireman uniform but I figured it wasn't appropriate for a kiddy party Mrs. Puckerman." He replied laughing leaning over to kiss her cheek.

She smacked him lightly on the chest. "Easy on the swearing in front of the kids Mr. Puckerman. Last thing I need is another call at work because Lexie was dropping f bombs at day care again."

Rachel and Puck laughed. "Thank God you're here. I was starting to get worried that Nicky wouldn't have his birthday cake." Rachel told him.

"Would I ever let you down Rach?" He asks hugging her quickly and kissing her on the cheek too.

"Well no, but well--"

"She was freaking out because she wasn't in control." Quinn smirks laughing at the look her best friend shoots her.

"I was not!" Rachel protests and he feels himself laughing harder. Sure having Nicky had loosened her control freak ways, but once a control freak always a control freak Puck thought.

"Oh she so was Noah. It was pretty hilarious actually. Wasn't it baby?" She asked kissing Avery all over her face causing the toddler to giggle and bury her head into Quinn's neck.

"Hey man glad you could make it!" Finn says coming over. "Rachel was starting to freak out about Nicky not having a cake."

Rachel's mouth drops in shock and the three of them laugh at her.

"I told you!"

"Busted Rach." Puck says laughing even harder as she rolls her eyes.

"You're all impossible all three of you!" Rachel huffs crossing her arms as Nicky and Lexie race over to them.

"Daddy!" Lexie squealed and he bends down to scoop up his middle daughter and toss her in the air. Lexie was the one that looked like him. Audrey was all her mother with blond hair and green eyes and Avery was a perfect mix of them both, his brown locks and Quinn's green eyes, but Lexie, Lexie was his clone right down to the badass attitude that he still liked to display every once and a while. Or you know, all the time, but that's details.

"Hey princess, having fun?" He asks setting her back on the ground next to her best friend.

"Mmhmm. Nicky said he'd eat a bug if I let him win at Mario Kart later."

Puck laughed. That was his girl. Rachel wrinkled her nose.

"Nicky, baby please don't eat any bugs. You don't know where that's been."

Nicky shrugs his shoulders and turns to Puck. "Didya bring my cake?" He asks looking up.

"Of course I did."

Nicky's eyes lit up like a kid in a candy store. "Can I see it?" Nicky asks bouncing on his feet.

"In a bit okay? How about you and Lexy go play with your friends until its time?" Rachel asks crouching down to talk to her baby boy.

Nicky nodded his head and threw his arms around Rachel's neck for a quick hug before Lexy took his hand and they went running off.

"Babe did you remember to pick up Nicky a birthday card?" Quinn asked facing him.

Fuck.

He knew he'd forgotten something. "I'll be back."

"Who wants to open presents?" Finn grinned at his son as all of the kids began to scream.

"Me! Me! I wanna open pwesents Daddy." Nicky ran around Finn's legs.

"Finn, it's not time for presents," Rachel growled. "I told you before the party started what order we were going to do things. We're supposed to be doing the cake now."

"Open pwesents Mommy!"

Finn grinned at Rachel, scooping Nicky up into his arms. "Yeah let's open presents Mommy."

"Thanks a lot Finn," Rachel hissed before grabbing Nicky from his arms and heading over to where the gifts were set up next to the couch. "Quinn, can you hand him the gifts one at a time for me while I talk to Finn really quickly?"

Quinn nodded, sitting down next to Nicky as the other children followed suit. Soon there was a chorus of, "Open mine first!"

Rachel shot Finn a sharp look and motioned for him to follow her into the kitchen. "What the hell is your problem Finn? Can't you follow one single plan of mine? I mean, just once, is it too much to ask for? All I wanted was for this party to go off without a hitch and there you go, throwing off the order of things."

"Calm down, Rachel. It's just presents. They can eat cake once they finish. I'm excited to see what he got, aren't you?"

"God damn it Finn! Must you always act like a child? I can't always be the only grown up Finn." Rachel threw her hands up in the air. "Did it ever occur to you that there may be a reason that I wanted it done in that particular order? Maybe it having to do with a little something called sugar in the cake and not wanting the kids to eat it too late? Ugh, never mind! Obviously you don't care." She turned on her heel, heading back out to the living room where Nicky was opening his gifts.

Finn stood there for a moment longer wondering what the hell had just happened. He really didn't see what the big deal was. It's not like it was even close to the kids' bedtime so the sugar shouldn't bother them when it came time to sleep. Maybe it was hormones. With Rachel there was just no telling. He shook his head. He'd apologize to her later; otherwise she was likely to stay mad at him forever.

"Come give Mommy a hug and kiss," Quinn said as she knelt down in front of her girls. Audrey, Lexie and Avery threw themselves at her, nearly knocking her over. "Okay girls," she said with a laugh, "there's plenty of Mommy to go around."

"Hey, what about me? Doesn't Daddy get some love too?" Puck stooped down beside Quinn, scooping their youngest into his arms. "Avery, are you gonna miss Mommy and Daddy tonight?"

Avery threw her arms around his neck, snuggling her face into the crook of his neck. "Lub you, Daddy. Miss you."

Quinn shook her head as she kissed Audrey and Lexie, hugging them once more before taking Avery from Puck. She gave her a hug and kiss before setting her next to her sisters. "Now, you guys behave. Listen to Aunt Rachel and Uncle Finn. I don't want to hear that you were bad. Can you do that for Mommy so that she and Daddy can go celebrate?"

The three girls nodded solemnly causing the adults in the room to choke back laughter.

"Okay, well I love you and I'll see you in the morning." Quinn stood quickly with a sigh before turning to Rachel and Finn. "Thanks again guys, we appreciate this so much."

Rachel smiled. "Of course, we know how hard it is for you to get alone time and what better time than your anniversary?" She laughed. "Nicky, why don't you and the girls head up to your room and play for a bit?"

The four of them watched as the kids thundered out, Audrey holding her youngest sister's hand as she struggled to keep up. "Alright, well we'll see you guys in the morning." Quinn looked after her girls once more before she felt Puck pull on her hand. "Yeah, I know. We're going." She slowly followed him out the door.

A few hours later Quinn lay in her bed, listening to Puck's occasional snores but unable to force herself to go to sleep. Her mind was filled with thoughts of their night versus past anniversaries. What had happened to them? The first few years after they had married Puck had planned something super romantic.

On their first anniversary they'd had a picnic under the stars. It hadn't been much because they didn't have much in the way of money, but it had been the thought that counted. They'd shared peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and a bottle of sparkling cider, making out like the teenagers that they were before heading home and making love all night long. It had been that night that Lexie had been conceived.

The next year they'd splurged and gone out to a new French restaurant that had opened. They'd dressed up in the nicest clothes that they had and spent the evening talking and laughing over the expensive meal. Still not old enough to drink they'd had sparkling cider again when they got home, making love in the living room because they'd been too impatient to make it to the bedroom.

For the next two years since they were old enough to drink they would first went to dinner at their favorite Italian restaurant before going out for a night on the town. They'd gone dancing, drinking until they could barely stand before stumbling home to love each other. It was no longer an all night ordeal as it had been the first two years, but they would fall asleep sated in one another's arms.

But this year had been different. Puck hadn't made any plans for them, instead leaving it up to her. She'd made them a steak dinner and although she knew it had been a long day, she didn't know why he'd led her straight to the bedroom. They'd made love, but it was just like everything else in their life: planned. Once a week they would have sex and on special occasions like their anniversary, but all of the spontaneity in their relationship was gone.

She sighed as she rolled over to look at her husband. He was just as handsome as he'd been when they'd married, but something had changed between them. She wasn't sure when it had happened, but they'd somehow fallen into a routine. She loved him because he was the father to their beautiful girls, but was she in love with him still? She didn't think so.

What a sad realization, to realize that you were no longer in love with your husband. She shook her head, rolling away from him. She closed her eyes and willed herself to go to sleep.

Rachel eased herself into the swing on her front porch, thankful for the chance to finally get to relax, she had a million things to do like laundry or picking up the disaster that was sure to be the basement but for the moment she was going to enjoy the quiet. The kids were in bed, all four of them (it was days whens he took the Puckerman girls that she was extremely grateful that it was just Nicky she didn't know how Quinn dealt with more then one) and mostly she was realized Kurt was gone. Thank god. They had come a long way since their glee days but she was glad he was gone back to Chicago after having made them all swear that they would be at his graduation in December.

Kurt was gone and the party was over and she had about fifteen minutes before Finn finished watching whatever highlights show he was watching on ESPN. She needed a few minutes, a few minutes to step back and try to wrap her mind around the fact that her little boy was four years ago. That four years ago she had given birth to her son and became a mother. She'd lost sight of all of her dreams that evening and nearly died in the process – had nearly lost her son in the process.

She honestly didn't think about it all that much, except when Finn occasionally brought up the idea of them having another baby ( a fight she could feel brewing again). It may have something to do with the fact that she honestly doesn't remember much of it, just a hazy recollection of Noah showing up after she'd collapsed in the kitchen and then she'd woken up with a baby and all of her plans destroyed. Her year-long deferment had been postponed indefinitely.

She loved her son, no one in their right mind would accuse Rachel Hudson of anything other then that but this was never how life was supposed to be. Even when she found out she was pregnant she had at least expected to have gone back to school by the time she was 23; instead she was working at the ballet studio she'd put so many hours in to ensure a spot at NYU and doing choreography for McKinnley's current New Directions.

Her entire life she had dreamed out of getting out Lima, and here she was sitting on the front porch of the home she worked her ass of everyday to pay the mortgage on just two miles from the house she had grown up in. She tried not to think about it, to remind herself that she had a beautiful son that brought her more joy then she could imagine and a husband who loved her but some days she just couldn't get the doubts and frustrations to leave her thoughts.

On days like today she found herself focusing on her breathing. She'd had more coaching on the way she breathed then probably any other person in the world – there was her vocal coach, her dance coach, and a yoga instructor that had all trained her on how to breathe to preform to the best of her ability. It was Rachel herself who had taught herself to breathe just to get through the day, to take a long slow deep breath so she didn't rip her husbands head off over something as stupid as going off plan. To take a deep breath so that she didn't burst into tears when she watched her son blow out the candles on his cake that only seemed to signify how quickly time was passing.

Tonight she just took a deep breath and a long drink out of her glass of red wine, she's determined not to dwell on the past. Determined to look forward, to live in the present because otherwise she's just going to lose her mind.

"Hey babe," she hadn't even heard the screen door open but Finn's hovering in the doorway, "you about ready for bed?" He's wearing his puppy dog expression and she knows that he he's still pouting over her snapping at him earlier, she feels both bad and annoyed that he can't just suck it up but she stands. She doesn't want to fight with him tonight, tonight is for celebrating the birth of their son not making him feel guilty for the choices they'd made together.


	4. Chapter 3

December

x-o-x-o

"Dude, this room is awesome!" Finn grinned as he threw himself down on the bed. He bounced up and down a few times before looking at Rachel. "Don't ya think?"

When Rachel just shook her head and started to unpack their suitcases he jumped off the bed. He walked over to the door that was on the side wall. He swung it open to find another door. He tried the handle and found it locked. He knocked and when the door swung open to reveal Puck he grinned again.

He looked between Rachel and Puck, his goofy grin never leaving his face. "Look our rooms open up to each other. How awesome is that?"

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Finn, seriously?"

Finn turned back to Puck, his eyes wide. "Well, maybe I'll just go next door for awhile." He walked past Puck, pulling his door shut behind him.

"Hey babe, apparently Finn's gonna hang out over here for awhile," Puck told his wife only to realize that she was on the phone.

"Who's she talking to?" Finn looked over at Quinn, curious. When Puck shrugged Finn jumped onto the bed beside her. "Who are you talking to?"

Quinn put a finger to her lips. "Sarah, how are the girls doing? Are they behaving?"

Finn rolled his eyes as Puck did the same. He began to laugh, trying to keep it in but the more he tried to hold it in, the more he felt he had to let it out. Finally he let out a bray of laughter causing Quinn to send him a dirty look. He shrugged but couldn't stop. He fell back onto the bed, his body shaking with laughter and as he glanced over at Puck he saw that he was laughing silently.

"Sarah, I'll call you back in a few minutes." Quinn stood up, glaring at Finn again. "Seriously Finn? Grow up." She turned to Puck. "I'm going next door so that I can call your mother and check on the girls. I'm glad that you guys find it so funny that I actually miss them. Maybe you should try it sometime?" Quinn stormed out of the room, going through the door that joined the two rooms.

Before the door swung shut they could hear her complaining to Rachel about how stupid their husbands were. Finn glanced at Puck causing them both to laugh again.

Puck collapsed onto the bed beside him. "Dude, she's going to be so mad at me when she comes back in here."

"Oh come on, you know it's funny." He sat up, shaking his head. "I don't know what their problem is. Rachel was being all pissy too. Do you think that they're PMSing at the same time?"

Puck rolled his eyes. "Dude, seriously? Do you really think that I wanna think about that?" He shook his head. "I mean, really?"

"C'mon Puck, don't you go getting all pissy on me too."

"Oh shut up and stop acting like a girl. Let's go get a beer."

"Fine." He stood up and followed Puck out of the room.

x-o-x-o

"Kurt Hummel."

Rachel watched as Kurt walked across the stage, accepting his diploma. Suddenly she was fighting to breathe, feeling like she was being closed in - like her life was closing her in. She felt the tears come to her eyes as she realized just how far she was from her dreams. This should've been her. She should've been on Broadway by now.

How had her dreams gotten so far away? The tears began to fall freely down her cheeks as she watched all of the people walking across the stage, one step closer to their dreams. She forgot about the people around her as her line of sight narrowed in on the people on the stage and her own realization that she just might never get to reach her goal, her dream since she was a child.

She just couldn't understand how things had gotten so far off course. How had she managed to lose herself in the life that she now led? What about her dreams? What about her? Nothing had been about her for five years and damn it, she wanted it to be about her. When would she have her day?

Suddenly an arm wrapped around her shoulders, jarring her from her thoughts. She tore her eyes from the stage, turning to meet Finn's.

"Hey, babe. It's okay." He gave her a reassuring smile.

Oh dear God, how did he know what she was thinking? No, there was no way that he could know what she was thinking, right? She wiped the tears from her face, giving him a questioning look. "What's okay?"

"That you're emotional over Kurt graduating." He smiled. "I know how happy you are for him and sometimes you cry when you're happy." He shrugged before leaning close to her. "Or who knows? Maybe you're being emotional because you're pregnant?"

Rachel shook her head, rolling her eyes and looking away – looking back to the stage. He really didn't know what she was thinking or he never would have said that. She fought back the tears, forcing herself to breathe. She could make it through this. She could make it through anything.

x-o-x-o

"Oh my god!" Quinn's shriek put Puck immediately on alert as he searched the dance floor for his wife, putting the conversation he'd been having with Kurt's father on hold. He relaxed when he spotted his wife being dipped dramatically back by Kurt. He couldn't help but smile as he watched her struggle to stand back up and smacked Kurt before they both burst into laughter.

"Noah, are you enjoying yourself?" Finn's mother had appeared while Puck had been watching his wife.

"Hi Mrs. H I am. It's nice to have an actual mini vacation." He didn't mention that Quinn had put the fear of God into all of them, convincing him that they would all be mugged or murdered before they made it back to Lima. So he was a little more cautious about where his wife and friends were than he normally would be. Damn when did he become some small town hick scared of the big city? Fuck that, he wasn't scared just concerned.

"I've come to steal away my husband if you don't mind, he promised me a dance." She leaned down to kiss him on the cheek. "You should think about asking my daughter-in-law to dance, she looks like she could use a little fun."

Puck followed Mrs. Hummel's gaze and spotted Rachel sitting alone at the far end of the bar sipping some fruity-ass girl drink. He'd noticed that she had been quiet for most of the trip but right now she just looked fucking sad. "What's going on Berry, since when aren't you on the dance floor when there's one available?"

"You know I haven't been Rachel Berry for almost five years, Noah." Puck's taken aback by the tears that are in Rachel's eyes when he looks up at him.

Fuck. Tears were Quinn's deal, or Finn's. It was his wife after all, but a quick glance at the dance floor showed that the two were enjoying themselves and hell maybe it wasn't as bad as he was thinking. "Yeah but then I'd have to call you Hudson, but Finn's been my boy since we were kids so it'd get confusing." He'd hoped the crack would at least draw a smile. "I could call you Mrs. Hudson but that'd get confusing too, so you can see my dilemma."

"I miss being Rachel Berry." She drowned the words by finishing off her drink with a quick tip of her head. "You know, the girl I was when I got on that plane ready to take Broadway by storm."

"I dunno, you seem the same to me: bossy...well you know, bossy as ever." He smirked, but damn the glare he received in response wasn't pretty.

"Forget it Noah, I thought we could have an actual conversation, but I am going back to the hotel room." It's not until her feet actually hit the ground that Noah realizes how much exactly she'd had to drink because her knees buckled as she attempted to stand.

His arms wrapped around her waist instinctively. "Whoa there Berry, maybe we should get you back to the hotel and maybe get some coffee into you." He really doesn't know what to expect, he's seen Rachel drunk a grand total of one time and it had been the night of senior prom and she has mostly just been paranoid that they were going to get caught. He thought that he might prefer paranoid Rachel to drunk angry/sad Rachel because he could just see it in her eyes that she was hell bent on making someone pay for something. "Just wait here, do you think you can handle that? I'll go tell Quinn and Finn that we're gonna head back."

He left her there for a couple minutes leading against the bar while he went to speak to explain the situation to his wife and best friend. "I think Rachel and I are going to head back to the hotel. Rachel's not feeling well..." He could immediately read the concern in Finn's face and smirked. "I think she's had a little too much to drink and I wanted to call my mom and check on the girls. You guys stay and have a good time."

In five minutes he'd found them a cab and settled into the backseat with Rachel who hadn't said a word to him until they were settled. "I miss taxis. I thought we'd be back in New York by now, three years ago, whatever."

Of course, he may not totally get women (even after being married for five years) but he finally understood what was causing pissy Rachel. "You know, you could do it anytime you wanted to Berry, you're as damn talented as you were when we were in high school. And don't let the mom thing get to you; you're one of the hottest MILFs I know."

"Noah!" Finally something got to her, the color rushing to her cheeks a she shot a look at the cab driver. She fell silent for a couple moments before asking in a quiet tone, "Do you really think that?"

"Hell yeah I do, you're still the most talented person that I've ever met."

"You know what Noah, you're right." They'd pulled up to the hotel at this point and before she hopped out of the cab Noah caught a glimpse of the look on her face: pure determination.

x-o-x-o

"Crazy lady what are you doing?" Noah had followed her into the hotel room and Rachel could feel his eyes watching her as she moved around the room collecting everything she'd managed to pull out of it in the last 36 hours.

"I'm packing." She could hear the determination in her voice – this is the most motivated she'd felt in months, really, probably it's more like the most motivated she's felt in years. "I'm going to New York City, tonight. I can't just wait around for life to happen anymore." She'd spent the last five years just waiting for life to happen – for them to have enough money to make the move she'd dreamed of. It was never going to be a convenient time to uproot their lives so she had to stop waiting around for the perfect moment and just do it.

"What about Finn?" Noah had come further into the room and was leaning against the dresser. She knew he was trying to look calm, like he wasn't worried about the words she was saying. She knew better. She knew him better than that, there was worry in his eyes but she didn't care.

Rachel shoved her last shoe into the duffel bag she had brought before responding. "If he wants he can follow me. We made the decision a long time ago that Lima wasn't going to be a permanent home for us. Now he-" She took a deep breath because she'd not had enough to drink that she wasn't aware that her voice is taking on a note of hysteria. "He wants to have a baby. Does he not remember how Nicky and I both almost died? That the doctors strongly warned me against having another baby? I'm tired of being superwoman, of working two jobs that I did for free in high school. I love my son but I want more from my life. If Finn wants me he can come to New York – we can make it work from there." She glared at Noah, daring him to find another flaw in her logic. She had waiting around long enough, she was going to make this work.

The gaze Noah returned was even and Rachel appreciated that he had stopped trying to make light of a situation that she was determined to take seriously. In fact, the expression on his face was just as serious as she felt. "What if he doesn't follow you?" Rachel took a breath to respond that that was his damn loss but Noah cut her off, "What about Nicky?"

Nicky. The question alone took her breath away and she dropped onto the bed. In the moments when she had shoved clothes and toiletries into her bag she hadn't thought about Nicky once, but that wasn't right. She was guilty of thinking of her son as the burden that had played a direct part in her losing a huge piece of herself. She hadn't thought of him as the beautiful little boy that brought her flowers (stolen straight from her neighbor's garden) or the little boy that loved nothing more than to fall asleep cuddled on her lap.

She loved her son more than life itself, but she'd always dreamed of the stage, couldn't she have both? Why did it have to be either or? Couldn't she be a good mother and live out her dream too? No, she couldn't, could she? Because he was four years old, because his bed time was smack dab in the middle of curtain call. Because she couldn't read him _Little Bear_,kiss him on the forehead and tuck him into bed if she was on stage singing her heart out. Because she couldn't be a Broadway star and still be able to tuck her little boy into bed at night. It had to be either or because it could never be both, it was two life paths that just could not merge. She had to choose.

"Noah." Rachel didn't bother to wipe at the tears that are streaming down her cheeks, there's too many of them and they're coming too quickly to bother. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Listen to me Berry." Noah crouched down in front of her and gently he wiped the tears off of her cheeks. "You are an incredibly talented and motivated woman and I get it, I really do. Sometimes the world just seems so small that you want to scream and bail, you think I don't get that? I live in a house with three little girls and Quinn, but here's the thing; maybe life isn't what you expected it to be but when it all comes down to do it you do what's right by your kids. You be a great mother, when you think you can't stand it anymore you look at your little boy and remind yourself that all the sacrifices are for him. You will get to Broadway Rach. I promise you that you will because you have this scary energy and a voice like I've never heard. You'll get there, I know you will, if I have to move your entire family there myself."

Rachel's breath caught in her throat, she'd voiced these same fears and frustrations to Finn a million times in the past but never had he found the right words to say. Noah with no hesitation and with absolute certainty had said the words that she had wanted to hear for years, he still had the faith in her that she could be more than just a mom, maybe not today or tomorrow but somewhere, sometime she would be able to be where she wanted to be, who she wanted to be.

She doesn't think it through, for the first time in her entire life doesn't over analyze her every movement. The instant the overwhelming urge to kiss Noah hit she acted on it. In that moment she allowed herself to forget that he was Noah Puckerman and she was Rachel Hudson and they were married to each other's best friends – in that moment nothing mattered except the way his lips moved against hers and the way their bodies moved further up in the bed. In that moment she let herself forget all of it.

Later, when she'd hidden herself in the bathroom with her back leaning against the door she listened to Noah gather his clothes and slip into the joining room. She allowed the full weight of what had just happened wash over her. Even as the guilt and shame flooded her she couldn't t help but notice that she feels just a little bit freer then she'd had in months.

Not that it mattered because, God, how was she going to face Finn and Quinn in the morning?

x-o-x-o

The car was eerily quiet for the four of them and it was weirding Quinn out. She was seated in the back seat of Puck's car next to Rachel who was reading some magazine or other and Puck was focused on driving and Finn was absorbed in his like Nintendo thingy he still played with.

The only noise in the car was Rachel turning the pages, Puck taping his fingers against the steering wheel and whatever classic rock station he'd put on when he started the car. It was another fifteen minutes before she couldn't take it anymore.

"Babe I have to pee, can we pull into the next rest stop? Maybe grab something to eat while we're there?" She asked, bending over so she can look her husband in the face.

He looked at her for a moment and she saw a flash of something in his eyes but she couldn't pinpoint it exactly, before he smiled at her.

"Sure thing. I'm fucking starving anyway."

Two minutes later Puck pulled into a rest stop and Quinn told the boys to go wait in line; she and Rachel would join them in a few minutes. Then she grabbed her best friend by the wrist and physically pulled her into the washroom with her.

"What's wrong?" Quinn asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest and leaning against the sinks.

Rachel swallowed and looked her in the eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about Quinn," she replied placing one hand on her hip. It was her defiant pose. They'd been friends for too long for Quinn not to realize that.

"Bull Rachel. Come on just tell me what's wrong. You've been pretty quiet this entire trip and you seemed downright miserable last night after the ceremony. Come on just tell me, you tell me everything. I don't get why you're making this into a big deal."

She heard Rachel take a sharp intake of breath and there was fire in her eyes. "I said nothing is wrong so will you just drop it? We don't need to know every mundane detail of each other's freaking lives Quinn."

Quinn's head whipped back and her jaw dropped. "Excuse me?" She felt like she was back in high school when Rachel accused her of cheating and being Ms. Sylvester's mole.

Rachel tilted her head up and looked Quinn straight in the eyes. "You heard me. Now excuse me, I believe the boys are waiting for us."

And with that she stormed out of the woman's washroom leaving Quinn reeling from what happened and trying to fight the tears that had started to form.

It took her another few minutes to regain her composure before she could plaster a smile onto her face and walk out of the ladies room. She walked up to Puck and slipped her hand into his.

"Took ya long enough Q. Finn and Rachel are already sitting down eating."

"Sorry, I just wanted to freshen up."

They were both quiet while they ate or while the boys ate anyways. She noticed that both she and Rachel were kind of picking at their food. Puck and Finn were going on about some game that they had seen the highlights for last night when she and Finn had gotten back to the hotel and she was so focused on not crying she didn't hear a word.

It was when Puck and Finn got up to throw out their trays that Rachel caught her attention and placed a hand on her arm.

"I'm sorry about earlier, I was out of line. I think it's just hitting me how fast time flies and I don't know what to do with that."

Quinn gave Rachel a small half smile. "It's okay," she told her as they stood.

She linked her arm through Rachel's and the two went to meet up with the boys who were waiting at the door, while pushing away the thought that Rachel wasn't being entirely honest with her.

xox

AN: And the plot thickens lol. Sorry if the first chapters seemed kind of slow, we needed to set everything up.

Anyway, we just want to thank all of you for your reviews, they seriously rock our worlds. The three of us are a bunch of review whores lol. Also, if you're reading and favoriting and whatever, please, please, please drop us a review too? We'd love you forever if you did. Thanks again! And remember, reviews are love!


	5. Author's note

Hey guys,

So we've been talking and we're going to be revamping this story. Its not going the way we planned and we've decided to switch some things up. Take some things out, add some in, re-arrange some stuff. The basic plot is still going to be there but we think that you'll find this new version much more pleasing.

Please bear with us while we sort this out, we'll post the new one as soon a s we get going and we really hope that you make the move with us.

Amanda, Miranda, and Ella 


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